So, does that make me a bad mom?

I never had a mom's group until after my last child was three. I feel I "missed" out on all the things I was supposed to do, I guess. I had my first son when I was 18 years old. Fresh out of high school and ignorant to the ways of a baby. My son did not have a crib, he slept with either me or my 15 year old sister with whom we shared a room with. He didn't have a lot of new fangled baby equipment. Just a car seat and a couple blankets and onesies. He survied to the age of one without us baby proofing the house and feeding him organic baby food. I also never breastfed him and he was not a sickly child. He is a grown 10 year old normal child (for the most part a preteen can be). My second son was born shortly after that. Now we were living in a small 2 bedroom apartment. Yet he still managed to thrive like his brother before him. He to did not have a crib but "graduated" from bassinet to pack and play. He also was not breastfed but was very healthy and happy boy. Still no childproofing of the house and yet still no major injuries. On so to the third, and fourth boys. By the time my fifth baby was here my body had had enough "baby caring" and decided to spit him out a wee bit early. He, being a preemie was only fed breast milk until the first month via nose tube. He was my first child to have a real crib. Yet still nothing else extra. No such thing as a boppy pillow or fancy toys and such that I see parents spending their money on. He grew up fine (as fine as a preemie can expect to be). He is huge now (no weight problems) he has a stutter but so does half the people on his fathers side. He his healthy and happy and it didn't take much but love. My daughter paij also was born early and there is no delays in her speech or growth and she is a normal bossy three year old. So what I am getting at is............Am I bad mom because I feed my kids corn syrup products, McDonald's, soda, my house is not "childproofed", and all that stuff. I don't think so. I don't think those things define how well your children will grow up or be safe. I think it is the parents, I think we rely to much on what everyone else is doing and buying instead of relying on what works best for our family. I read a post on my mommy group page about "transitioning to a big bed". What the hell? I put my kids in a bed when they could walk and they were fine! I think if more parents made decisions for their kids instead of making a bid deal of everything life would be easier on the kids and parents. My kids have choices but not many. The younger you are the less you have. My kids never complained about what they were eating because they didn't have a choice you either eat or don't eat. Now this has stuck with them their whole lives. My 10.8.7. and 5 year old can get up in the morning now and wake up to their own alarm clock, help each other get dressed, make sure each other has their backpacks and make sure they get breakfast all while I am still sleep. That is because I taught them to be self sufficient and not rely on mommy to pick out their clothes and wake them up. I think if more parents helped their children in this manner the child would be less stressed and so would parents. Now don't get me wrong, I think every parent should be there for their child, my kids know if they need me that I am there but most times they don't need me. That way when they grow up to be young men and woman they won't need me as much. I am sorry for the ranting it is just something that has been on my chest for a very long time!

A whole lot of Nothing!

This must be the week from hell for me? First my MNO got cancelled. That really sucked as I look forward to those every month. I guess we are not having one at all this month which double sucks as I went out and bought an outfit for it. Ohhh well no use crying over spilt fun! :) So in order to make up for my lost friday my husband took me to the Grapevine Mall. We spent (to much dang money) on nothing. I bought 100 dollars worth of underwear WTF I don't even like underwear like that. I felt worse that I had spent all our money on crap after shopping then I felt before I went shopping. So much for therapy. Then yesterday my youngest children turned on my toaster oven. Maybe it would not have been so bad if I didn't have a loaf of bread and a bag of plastic plates sitting on top of it. So I am rearranging the living room and I was like what is burning. I thought it was my 10 year cooking and he messed up. Nope it is 25 plastic plates melting and a loaf of "cooked" bread. Then my 8 year old brings me my 7 year old's library book showing me where the "terror twins" have colored all in it. I am so ready to ship them back to grandmas and they have only been here 3 days. My 5 and 4 year old apparently left the water running in the bath tub last night and the tub was full this morning. WHY?????? Why can't my life be uneventful for one minute? Now I am unable to sleep because yet another play date has been cancelled due to our unforeseen weather. I hope this day goes a little better then it started.

7 things about me!

Well b at random acts of motherhood tagged me to write 7 things about myself. However I do not know anyone to tag I will indulge in this "game". :)


1. I am obsessed with girlie things. I love to dress up just to check the freaking' mail!

2. I only wanted 2 kids but somehow 2 turned into 6...........note to self WTF!

3. My favorite food is anything greasy or out of the water!

4. I consider a balanced breakfast to be 2 reeses peanut butter cups and a glass of milk.

5. I am not perfect (I know shocking to me also)

6. I can not keep friends ( as soon as I figure out why I will let you know)

7. I wish I had someone to tell all my troubles to (other then blog land)! Is that what they call a best friend?

Long time no Blog

Ok, so as you may know I had a blog malfunction but the great wizard of computers (B) has fixed my problem. Not a whole lot to blog on, just updates into my crazy life! Lynsey my dog is doing great ( we have our issues here and there). I really want to talk about something that happened to me last night. I was reading my nightly email and I cam across a particular email from my step sister. The back story is.... I suffer from bi-polar......sometimes I become so outraged that I can not be reasoned with. I feel when I get like this it is in my best interest (at the time) to distance myself from my family and children. I usually leave and start feeling "normal" after a week. After that comes remorse for leaving them. So I live w/ guilt for a few weeks more and finally talk myself into going home. I would go home immediatly but of course I think everyone hates me and thinks I am a bad person. I have done this a few times. I also am not proud of it but at that point in time my mind assures me it is either leave or kill myself. Well, this last time I was gone for 3 weeks. My husband and MIL have learned to inform my children that I am on a vacation so they don't hurt to badly. Well last night my step sister told me to watch a program about mothers who leave their children and to see the hell I put my kids through. Well I wrote her back and said she has not tried to help me with my illness or to understand it so don't judge me. I also said I know I have problems and I am taking medication and trying to work through them. She wrote back and said I have more then problems and I am stupid and never write her again. Thats fine.......I have no problem w/ people who do not care to understand my issues. However don't write hateful things as it does not help me mentally. I do better if you just don't talk to me. What I don't understand is that only my husband and MIL have went 2 my doctors w/ me. They are the only ones who try to help me and not put me down. They know I have a different thought process and the only way I can get better is with support from friends and family. However friends and family disowned me and want nothing 2 do w/ me. I don't feel sorry for myself I just wish they could grow to understand. Hell half the time I don't have answers for me so how can I have answers for them? I was just diagnosed like 3 years ago. I had to recently quit taking my meds so I could better care for my kids w/ out being tired. It backfired though cause I got depressed and left. They didn't care about that stuff though. I try just like evryone else, except I have to try harder. Being in a relationship is hard with bi polar disorder let along having 6 kids and married. So if you are reading this and you have been quick to judge someone maybe you should go back and find out why that person did those things cause alot of times it is not because they are stupid or selfish. I hope I have not offended anyone.

Lynsey Lue

So here is my precious little moma. She has been a perfect angel. I really must boast cause there is no better dog then her! :) So, the boys have started school and it is great! So much easier to pack two children and go instead of six! They have been getting up and dressed way before I get up, I think maybe I will start sleeping later. Now that we live closer to their new school, we have been walking. Good for me, considering in my mommy group we have started a weight loss contest. Being that only 1/4 of our moms are skinny (yeah talking about you B) :)

So, my husband was off these past two days and..........well sometimes I wonder why? Yesterday was supposed to be my relaxing day and all I like to do is play my sims. Yesterday I ended up doing 7 loads of laundry, cooking dinner, then cleaning up. Then he had the nerve to tell me I had just been sitting at the computer all day! Yeah...........OK! He was the one that sat on the couch playing his playstation football from sun up to sund down. OK, so I had to get that off my chest. I wonder if all husbands are really that clueless! :)

Little Lynsey

Well duh as you all know my poor little buck has been dead for about 2 months now! I felt it was time to adopt a new baby. I tried craigslist several times but to no avail.......... Then I came upon an add for a jack russell /rat terrier mix. I contacted the lady and we corresponded on and off for about a week. Friday the lady asked if I would like to "test drive" the dog to see how she fits in my family. Well of course I did! She delivered the dog on saturday and I immediately fell in love. She is an adult dog that is house trained and obedient! Everything you wish your kids came out like. She spent the night and I got a call from her mom informing me another couple was interested in her. Well sunday morning came and I sadly packed all her belongings. I started to break down and cry in front of my husband about how much I hated this lady for taking my perfect dog from me! Well she came and before I could tell her she was making a big mistake..........she informed me she knew I had fallen in love with lynsey and she had picked me to be her new mom. I LOVE my dog. She follows me everywhere, she barks at the kids if they sneak out of bed, or if someone knocks at the door. She is on a schedule and lets you know when she is ready to go potty. I don't think you could hand train a better dog.

Hell of a day!

This morning I woke up to find my little dog dead on the side of my house. Yeah that was messed up. I was sad and crying for a better part of the day. Around 4pm I started to feel a little better and decided to help my kids fill up their pool. So...............I am cleaning around the house and my son tells me that our pitbull/shepard Lola has gotten out of our gate. By the time we could get to her she had somehow managed to get her head caught in the neighbors gate. Their rottwielers decided to use her head as a tennis ball. So all I could see is blood and my poor dog sticking out of the fence. Anyway, she finally got loose and made her way back home. The man and ladie from across the street came and doctored her all up. They gave her antibiotic shots and washed her down and made sure she wasn't bleeding anymore. I am so thankful to them as I had no idea what to do. Needless to say after a crazy day like that I needed to unwind. I asked my MIL if she would watch my kids so I could go out. I met my friend/neice over to her house at around 8:15pm. We left and went over to her friends house and just sat and chatted it up. My friends friends are something else. They are both lesbians and one is skinny and looks like a guy but talks like a girl, and the other one looks more like a girl but talks like a guy. They are both supposed to be "studs" or the male of the relationship. I had a great time just listening to them talk and going on. At around 1am we came back to my house and sat up here till around 3am. My day started of crazy but in the end after a few beers at the house, I was doing pretty good. BTW if your dog is in heat DO NOT LET HER OFF HER CHAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A very unhappy birthday to me?

Yesterday was my birthday............well at least that's what it started out as. I woke up feeling fresh and rejuvenated to start my next chapter of life. My children greeted me with rounds of the happy birthday song, and all was well. My first inkling that my day would go to hell is that my husbands "lonely" friend came over to do some work on our house. Now the time is 11:00am and all is well in the land of mishaps. Around 3:00pm my husband and friend decided to go get me some birthday lunch. All I asked for was a rib plate with potato salad and beans............well lets just say an hour and half later that is not what I received. However my husband tried to surprise me by buying me an installment to my favorite game the Sims 2. Did you not got the tried I implied? He got the wrong game so he and I had to run back to Best Buy and stand in line for 20 minutes to exchange it. Still all is pretty well in the land of mishaps. The time is 5:30 and all my husbands friend has done is manage to staple a cord to the ceiling and put up one of four surveillance cameras. WTF???? You have been here for six and a 1/2 hours!!!!! My children however are happy because grandma and poppa have brought them a pool to play in. They are happy so I am happy. My husband sits in front of the t.v. to play his PlayStation and says "tell me when it is 8:00pm, so I can take you out for your birthday". O.K., I am hungry being is I only ate half of the plate I got for lunch. Everyone is calling me wishing me happy birthday and my day could not get any better............but I guess it could get worse? I go to check our debit card balance and what do I see? A NEGATIVE balance!!!! How the heck are you going to take me out with no money? I have already pulled the perfect dress, the shoes. Husband starts to moan about how he is a crappy husband...........I (the one who should be bitching) have to make light of the situation. I tell him it is o.k.! I get dressed in my dress and heels anyways and then have him dress up also. We go downstairs and grab a beer and watch a movie on the computer. Later we go and get some Taco Cabana and come back and finish the movie. I must have led him to believe that I was fine, because he wanted to watch another damn movie. I refused and said I was sleepy, just wanting this day to go away. I woke up this morning at 4:00am sweating and my stomach hurting. I shrugged it off and went back to bed. Then at 9am my oldest came and told me my beloved Chi dog "buck" was dead on the side of the house. As if my fucking day could be any worse I now have to go downstairs and find my dog laid out. So now I am here mourning his passing while my children play in the pool and my husband is still sleeping. No one knows the hurt I am feeling now.............I really don't even think they care!